Offense and Bitterness

   Bitterness and offense, sadly, are words I am well acquainted with. When I hear these words, I have a certain feeling in my belly and memories of a time I am so grateful to have moved beyond. 

   I well remember the day I listening to a teaching and the speaker asked us if we were aware of the fact that no one can offend us unless we want to be offended. 

   Say what??! He had my attention immediately. My agreement with what he said came a little later! He explained to us that the things people do and say can cause us pain, but in the first half minute or so, we decide whether we will be offended about it or not. The more I thought on this, the more I realized it is true. We can, in fact, be very hurt, but choose to immediately take it up with the Lord and to not be offended. Even if we become offended, we can repent and choose to lay aside that offense toward the person. We may still be walking through healing because of what happened and not be in offense. To be offended or not is a simple choice we make. 

   Bitterness is what happens as a result of living in offense against someone. The best defense against bitterness is to choose to not be offended. It is a choice we make. In the walking out of woundedness, forgiveness is a daily choice we need to make- and many times a moment by moment choice, especially if we find ourselves in a circumstance where ongoing actions or abuses occur that cause pain. 

   For years I lived in offense and bitterness of soul against someone who was legitimately causing me pain. This caused me more anguish by far than it did the person. It caused sickness not only in my soul but also in my body. Interestingly, as I learned to first make the choice to lay aside bitterness and release that person to God, it seemed to release the Lord to also convict the person! 

   Forgiveness is not saying the action against you was right, because it wasn’t. It is saying you are choosing to give that person and what they did to the Lord, trusting Him to work it out to benefit both parties involved. I found it very helpful to actually say that to the Lord as I was praying about it. 

   The Word has much to tell us about bitterness and forgiveness. A very familiar scripture, but very powerful is 1 Thessalonians 5:18- Be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ’s sake has forgiven you. One thing we need to remember is that is we want God to forgive us for Jesus’ sake, we should also desire that for others. If we are desiring God’s wrath and vengeance to fall on someone, we have not received a revelation of His love or of His ability to work all things out for the good of those who love Him. 

   If you have lived in bitterness of soul for many years, you may find yourself in a place of feeling unable to let go and move on. If this is you, there is still hope. 

  In Mark 5:1-20, when Jesus came to the land of the Gadarenes, He was met by a man who was possessed by evil spirits. These spirits begged Jesus to leave and said they were called Legion for “we are many”. Legion is a large group of demons that work together to keep a person bound. This man lived among the tombs. Living among the tombs means we live in dead places of the soul. I remember feeling such deep grief in my soul, with such a broken heart, it was like I was sitting beside an open grave but yet could not bury the dead. I worked through forgiveness for several years but did not receive a full release until I was delivered of the spirit Legion. 

   You may say, how can a born again, spirit-filled believer have an evil spirit? We can’t have an evil spirit in our spirits because when we are born again, our spirits are instantly healed, whole, and set free, however our souls and our bodies are still in various stages of healing and sanctification as long as we live in this earth so demons can absolutely affect and even live in our souls. When I was delivered of this spirit, my  heart and my mind entered into a new rest I had never known before! I was riding along in a vehicle with my husband and I told him, my mind feels so empty and free! I then asked the Holy Spirit of God to fill those empty places with His love because I don’t want to leave any room for the enemy of my soul!

  There should be no place in the bride of Christ for bitterness and offense because we have experienced the love and forgiveness of God. We are to be the hands and feet of Jesus to a lost and dying world which desperately needs to experience the healing love of God. If we do not offer forgiveness to each other, how can we represent the love of God to the world? I believe this is a season in which we must get very serious about letting go of every weight which entangles and holds us back. There is no situation too difficult for Jesus to turn around in our lives, so we should rush to give each situation we face into His loving and capable hands!

   I bless each of you as you reach out to Jesus to allow Him to heal and restore every painful wound in your life!

From Perfectionism, Performance, and Pride, to Peace

   As I sobbed to my friend on the phone, I shared with her that I just wanted a good life, I wanted everything to be ok, I wanted to be successful, and it felt like everyone was fighting me. I cried and told her I was a perfectionist and I tried to do everything just right, and I used to be able to do it, but it was getting harder and harder and I was getting more and more overwhelmed.    

   Overwhelmed! That was a big word! And I certainly knew what it meant! Life was becoming so very hard and I was oh so bone weary. Even my body was utterly weeping from the strain and had succumbed in a weary heap and could no longer carry the load I had placed upon it. 

  But how did I get to this place? And how did I get out? Well, I have to tell you it took more than two more years for me to wake up and realize what was really going on, and it was a very gradual awakening. In fact, I had to find quite a bit of healing and revelation before I realized I had been rescued from a sure death, not only emotionally, but also physically. 

  Now, for how I got into this predicament: well that, my friends, is a very long story, but I will shorten it drastically for you...and for me. 

   I love so very much about my upbringing, home, family, and community. But as we all are very aware, life often doesn’t go as we would choose and sometimes deep disappointments and devastation occurs. There were several such factors in my life as I grew up, one of them being that my dear mother, whom I love so very much, and has since gone to be with Jesus, developed a mental condition called Bipolar Disorder. This is not something you ever want to deal with, and it is difficult to understand what it is like to not only live with someone like this, but the horror and emotional agony these dear people experience. 

   This situation and other surrounding factors played into a deep-seated insecurity and fear in my heart. Through the years I developed a security blanket which was performance. I thought if I did everything just right, everyone would be pleased with me and life would be perfect. And if it wasn’t, I believed it was somehow my fault. When you are on the outside looking in, it is easy to see the tremendous load this puts on someone. But when you are caught in the web of confusion as I was, you don’t see it at all, you only feel its devastating and suffocating effects as you get sucked deeper and deeper into the web of lies the enemy entrenched into your brain. I figured if I try harder and I always do what is right, eventually everyone else would as well, and we would have our perfect world.

   Well, as we all know, most people don’t co-operate with those “amazing” plans, nor do they remotely want to. I was “middle-aged” and had grown children before I realized to my horror, that this was no guarantee others would do the right thing! In fact, it seemed the opposite was true! They all seemed to be fighting me! What was wrong with them?! Couldn’t they see I just wanted peace and rest and order?? 

   No they really probably couldn’t. They probably did see me madly grasping for straws to grab onto as my life careened wildly out of control and dizzily dipped around the next bend in the road where my poor heart broke just a little more, as the axle on my crazy wagon decided to crack. 

    Let me shorten this story... after years of searching and crying and praying, after layers of my soggy onion were peeled, i finally came to a startling but crisp layer of truth- the only person I could fix was me. I couldn’t fix anyone else- not that they were going to let me anyway! I had to love myself, the very person I thought was most unlovable of all. I could love the unlovely, I could help the broken. Lord knows how I would even let them abuse me and run all over me because I thought my needs didn’t matter at all. Sheesh, I figured i didn’t even have a right to have needs. That’s how I felt treated anyway. 

   How stunned I was to realize that the only reason I was being treated this way is because it was how I TAUGHT people to treat me! Say what??!! That’s right. Because I believed a message I picked up as a young child, actually let’s stop and identify a few of these:

1. I wasn’t good enough. 

2. I was evil. 

3. I wasn’t lovable. 

4. My needs and voice did not matter. 

5. If I was perfect, my world would be safe.

Because I believed these lies and many more, I tried to help everyone else, fix everything that wasn’t right, work harder, be more right, more good, more perfect (gag)-in other words, I tried to control my world to make it safe, and through this defense mechanism, I hated myself, and I taught others to also put themselves before me and to push themselves into me and control me by expecting me to meet their needs when my heart was crumbling in sadness and defeat, and my body was beyond bone weary. 

  And one day, I couldn’t do it anymore. I laid in bed at night, crushingly exhausted, and unable to sleep. I knew something was terribly wrong. My mother had died, leaving me questioning my own mothering abilities and my heart rent in grief, no one seemed to be there for me when I needed them most, instead, because I found myself unable to communicate my need for support and love, they seemed to expect me to continue being the rock for them to lean on and toss their burdens upon as usual.

    I found myself angry and without hope. I cried to the Lord, and I said, “Lord, You have to show me what is wrong. I can’t go on”. In my heart I heard Him say to me, “Hope deferred makes the soul sick”. I knew this to be a verse in scripture. I said, “Lord, You need to show me where to find hope”. He pointed me back to Himself. Of course He is my hope! My eyes were on my circumstances, rather than on the One who has the power to overcome all things!

   The battle wasn’t over in one night. No, it took weeks and even a few months of looking to Him, the lover of my soul, each time I was afraid, or confused, or hurt. Whatever I went through, He was there, a Faithful Friend, who saw me for who I was-not for how well I was able to perform for Him. It took many times of choosing to lay that huge, heavy burden at His feet, and choosing to enter into a yoke with Him, before I realized it was not in the doing but in the “being” in Him that made my world go round. You see, the more we know how loved and valued we are, the more we can trust Him throughthe difficult times, with the difficult people, and the less we need to prove anything...or fix anything...or control anything. We suddenly do have strength to take responsibility, when before, that thot caused us to sigh in weariness at the insinuation that we could possibly need to take the blame for one more thing. When we are free from self-inflicted burdens, no longer does responsiblity suck the life out of us. It becomes a joy. 

   It is my hope that in sharing a small segment of my journey to hope and joy, that someone will find answers they are looking for, and they will find their way out of the web of perfectionism, performance, and pride to find healing, peace, and freedom in the One who loves them always, right where they are. Imperfect, but oh so very precious and loved. 

   

New Adventures

   I have been putting off writing this blog, I guess because I have been sorting through lots of emotions along with the crazy busyness of this season we are in. 

   A couple months ago we decided as a family to do an experiment. What's so major about that? Well, let's just say it is a big experiment in every way. We moved to Kentucky a year ago into a lovely home and I would have been perfectly content to stay there for awhile longer. I am not a fan of moving! So. Much. Work!!  

    So. On to the experiment part of things. The basic event that got the ball rolling was that the home we were renting went into foreclosure through circumstances with which we were not connected, so this meant that whether or not we wanted to, we needed to move again as we were not in a position to make an offer on the home. We began thinking and praying about our options and this is when things got weird. Lol!

   Switching gears for a bit on you....my husband and I have been wanting to get back to basics as a family for awhile and that is pretty challenging with cable and wifi and phones (our biggest challenge being how time is spent). We want to spend more TIME with our kids and with each other and work and play TOGETHER! Our business had some experiments to conduct as well as my husband deals in green energy products and he has been asked to help with some emergency and low cost housing efforts. 

   This began turning the wheels of our minds into a new direction that went completely against anything my husband and I had ever wanted, except for the odd desire to go camping in the summer!

   We decided that since we also wanted to pay off some debts, rather than renting another home that kept sucking all the money we could have used to pay debts and buy other needed supplies, we would build a sort of yurt structure- a rectangular framed tent painted with a product  our business imports from Germany that contains ceramic spheres which essentially block radiant heat, are waterproof, and fireproof.   So that is what we did! 

   This project has to happen fast because our 'get out' date was weeks away and these things needed to be built quickly. There were a lot of little obstacles, in fact, it was frustrating at times because it seemed nothing could go without hitching somewhere and I had to repent and refuse to say that nothing could be easy, that anything that could go wrong would, because I realized that the more I spoke these things, the more I would see them, so I made my focus to try to move through the obstacles with patience and endurance. 

   Moving was not a simple procedure (is it ever?) because I had to decide what would go into storage and we were downsizing quite a bit in this move and with 5 kids it was a chore. I have never been more grateful for practically minded friends! I depended on them to help me make countless decisions!

   So, fast forward to get this posted!! We have now been living in our 'establishment' as a friend aptly put it for about three to four weeks. It has been very interesting and challenging. Many things did not go easily or as planned and the biggest thing we are learning is...patience! Patiently wade through the issue and work together to find solutions. I will be honest, some days I am asking the Lord to quickly show me His purpose in all this so I can go somewhere more comfortable than spending my days stoking fires!! But stoking fires is a good experience and working together is important so that is what we are focusing on right now. 

   I'm going to end this post with a scripture verse that I'm learning the meaning of during this season. "Godliness with contentment is great gain".  I'm learning that our sense of entitlement in this country is not God's way. I don't deserve a nice house or an indoor bathroom. What makes me think I deserve more than the child starving in Africa or the homeless man in the street in my town? Who says I deserve rug or a fireplace or a soft bed?? I am learning to be content with a little even though I have experienced much more,  though it would have been simpler and less expensive to simply rent a lovely home. Until next time, be content!😜

Alignment Brings Power

   Good morning Ladies! You know, there are very few things as powerful as praying women. The tenacity of a woman praying for those she loves is a force to be reckoned with! Today I would like to address something that can hinder this force.
    Do you ever feel like you are praying and praying to no avail? One of the most powerful forces in making sure your prayers bring change is to make sure your heart is properly aligned with the Lord. I'll give you an example! For years I have prayed that my husband's priorities can be lined up with God, that he can keep God first, me second, the children third, etc. But for years this has been an area where the enemy keeps attacking our family in one way or another, bringing much frustration and hurt. Now, you would surely think God would honor such an amazing prayer, wouldn't you? But God hit me square between the eyes when He reminded me of the scripture which says, "Seek first God's Kingdom and His righteousness, and all the rest will be added to you as well". Not only did iI have my focus on getting all my work done and beautifying our home (both are really good things in their own place), but I did not give my husband the priority that was rightfully his in my heart and in our home. You see, how can God move to answer my prayer to help my husband with his priorities if mine are not lined up to His Word? Many times I become frustrated and angry that I as the wife need to be the strong one and do what is right first, but really, if we can change our viewpoint just a bit, and see that when we make sure our hearts are properly aligned first, we RELEASE God's hands to begin to do the work we wish to see done in our husbands as well! Alignment always releases God to do the work. It releases us from needing to fight our own battles. It releases us from victimhood!
   Today, as women, let's be OK with being strong. Let's be OK with first lining up our hearts with God's Word, because it will release Him to pour out His favor and blessing on our lives! It may seem unfair and hard, but it will create an open heaven above us, which is totally in our favor! God bless you today!

We Don't Fight Flesh and Blood

   Relationships...are a huge part of life. We are surrounded by them...in the workplace, at schools, churches, in our homes. Many times throughout life, unless we avoid people, we will experience difficulties in relationships to some degree or another. If we don't know how to handle these, we may become very uncomfortable, and respond in ways that make the situations we face far worse than they were to begin with.
   There are many ways people respond to sticky situations: some run, some deny there is an issue, some explode, some laugh. Some situations require different responses, too. Sometimes it is the best thing to let it rest and move on. But sometimes its best to face it and openly communicate by asking questions, such as, "Is this what you meant to say", or "Can you rephrase that so i can make sure i understand", or some other non-threatening question that opens communication. But that's not really what i came here to talk about today.
   The thing i want to discuss is what can be behind some relationship issues. Before i go there, i want to make sure you know i don't believe we should focus on the dark side. I believe the more we invite light and love into our lives, the better off we will be. However, if you are facing a really big relationship issue that seems to keep popping up or refuses to find a resolution, you may be facing something more than a relationship problem. What i want us to remember is we don't fight 'flesh and blood', but rather against spiritual forces in heavenly realms, etc. (Ephesians 6:12). Sometimes it is very important to remember this when dealing with problems.
   If there is someone in your life who consistently misunderstands you, and it appears as though they want to twist your words, it could be it is not them at all but perhaps a spirit who is getting between the two of you. If that happens, you can quietly pray and take authority over spirits that may be coming against you or twisting your words before you meet with that person. Keep in mind that these spirits could be doing the same to their words before they come to you. Fear is an example of a spirit that will cause us to hear things people are not saying. I experienced this recently, and was amazing when i got rid of fear, how differently i perceived the words spoken to me after that.
   This morning, i was having an issue with one of my sons, and it was escalating out of control, and he was behaving badly, and i was becoming angry too, which caused him to feel even more unsafe. So we all took a deep breath, i had another of my sons come over and we talked gently with him to help him calm down, and we asked each other for forgiveness for some things, cleared the air, and asked if we could pray with him. It took some more gentle explanations before he was open to it, but then he allowed it and we invited the light of Jesus in and took authority over division and some other things we felt were at play, and BAM! He was a different child and immediately recognized he had been influenced by spirits that had been twisting my words.
   I want to share this story with you to empower you if you face situations like these.You do not want to imagine evil spirits everywhere, but you do need to be aware of them.I believe we need to focus on inviting light in as opposed to casting out darkness. You cannot openly deal with all situations as i did with my son in the privacy of our home. Sometimes you need to pray quietly alone. God can still move in those situations. Many times making sure our hearts are in the right place can take care of problems, but it is so important to realize we do have an enemy who doesn't want us to have good relationships or to succeed in life, and he will mess with us if we get too close to what he considers his territory! So please, take away with you today, that we are not fighting people, but rather, spiritual forces, and remember to fight those forces rather than those you love!

Take the Battle Off the Ground

Good morning from gorgeous Kentucky! I have some things on my heart today that i am excited to share with you! that being said, let's just dive right in, shall we?
   I have a lot of friends in a lot of different places, and on social media (yes, i get that we don't know those people as well, but we tend to share more on social media than many of us do in real life :O). I moderate two groups on facebook, and i have listened to quite a few women, and you know, many of us face similar issues. Many of us feel trapped in various different circumstances beyond our control. The enemy loves to make women feel trapped and unfilfilled. Nothing makes a woman more anxious, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed than when she feels trapped and unfulfilled, especially if she does not see the light at the end of the tunnel. When this scenario is where you are, you begin to feel hopeless, and you respond from that hopelessness and the fear and anger and frustration that go along with it. This spills over to our husbands, children, families, and friends, creating almost like a principality. I am not judging you for where you are. I am only now seeing some of this as the attack it is upon women and their families and am in the process of facing it head on and tearing down this stronghold or principality myself. So i just want to speak into this, if i may, for a bit.
   God revealed an area in my life recently, in which i was bound by fear. I felt so trapped and hopeless by the things others were doing that affected me and i saw no way through it or around it, and nothing i was doing seemed to be working. I was afraid i would never make progress in my life, never achieve my dreams. When He revealed this fear and removed it from me, and the truth was presented to me that by using the right keys, i can tear down principalities that are over me, it was like a whole world opened to me. You see, it was the belief that others can control my success in life that had me bound to fear! I knew that we don't wrestle against flesh and blood, but against spirits. I knew that i could do warfare and tear down strongholds in my life, but i didn't realize that by using the correct keys, i could also tear down the strongholds that bind others around me and influence me!
   For example, lets say there is someone in your life, perhaps your husband or a son, who struggles with anger, and can fly into a rage at the drop of a hat. If you believe you have no power or authority over this, you will feel like a victim; you will feel trapped! When we feel trapped, we will do one of several things. 1. We will fight back, creating more anger and abuse. 2. We will run, which gives that anger more control. 3. We will react in some other way that isn't healthy. Any of these ways will result in giving the anger more room to grow and become more serious and abusive.
   HOWEVER!! Listen to this. If you realize you are not fighting flesh and blood- in other words, you are not fighting a person, but a spirit of anger- you can remain in love to the person you love, while you attack the spirit of anger by disarming it. Dis-arm means to remove the power from something. So if you know the way you usually respond is to run in fear, you need to stand up to it, but in love. If your reaction is normally to repond back in anger, you need to respond calmly, with respect, and appeal to the person's emotions without anger or fear lacing your words. We need to listen to God- he will give us wisdom, but the important thing is disarm it by not responding in a way that gives in power.
   This is only one way we tear down principalities. Another major way to do so, is when we realize we are fighting a spirit, we know we can pray against that spirit, by asking God's Spirit to come and bring light to the situation. We have so much power when we realize we are not fighting people!
   When we are no longer living out of a victim mentality, but realize our power, we are allowing Jesus to fight our battles! We can save our breath and energy for important things, and let go and let God fight our battles for us. What freedom! I hope this empowers you as much as it did me. You are not a victim! Go forward in who you are today, Mighty Warrior Princess!

Finding Our Value in Christ

Today i'd like to share some things i've been learning. As we mature in Christ, we learn to do what is right and not to be offended by the way people treat us. If we get offended, usually there is something in us that is not receiving the fullness of truth and love from our Daddy.
    There is a children's book by Max Lucado entitled You are Special, and a few lines in that book are filled with such amazing love and tenderness from our father, i want to share them with you. He says, "What they think doesn't matter. All that matters is what I think. And i think you are pretty special". We are all very special to Him. He doesn't have favorites, but i believe He loves each of us in a special, unique way. We all are equally valuable, regardless of what our calling is, how big our ministry is, or how many gifts we have.
   No one can take any value from us. If they treat us as though we are of less value than they are, it is because they do not feel valued. This is the real reason people will brag on themselves and put others down. It should not even bother us if they treat us in this way. If it does, it is revealing the truth of our own heart- that we are not certain of our own value. If we are confident of who we are and the value we have in Him, no one can steal it from us.
    How should we respond when we disrespected or de-valued? First of all, we want to be channels of His love. This will help eliminate the need for them to lift themselves up. If you feel the grace and the maturity to handle remaining in the face of the mistreatment, there can be a place for that. I think there are times when it is ok to simply cut the visit short, to protect yourself (especially if you don't have the grace or maturity needed to feel ok) and to send a silent message that it is not ok. I believe there are times when it can be a good thing to be kindly honest about how the person made you feel, but many times it isn't necessary. Please feel free to let me know how you feel about this blog!